Valentine's Day, June 12th (in Brazil we celebrate in this date). I wonder if I will ever be able (even in my 96 years) to have a lasting relationship with someone.
When I say long-term relationship, I mean years, not weeks or months, as it has been for the past decade, for me and lots of friends of mine.
My generation, apparently, has been suffering from the wave of divorces and sudden separations, reflecting the response to our parents' generations.
Our parents' generation was still focused on maintaining marriage at all costs. It was ugly to end a relationship. Separated women were seen as bad and failed. Ah, it’s not a fake cliché from the 60s, 70s. I grew up in my teenage years and youth adult listening to malicious comments from those who separated, from those who suffered in marriage, from the woman who asked for a divorce. It was the Scarlet Letter but not so in the face.
Our generation? 35 to 50 year olds? Get tired, get bored, they split. It hurt, they split. Has the astrological chart changed and the signs don't match anymore? Split.
In this criticism, I include myself in the group. I don't have the patience my parents had. For good and for bad. And my friends too.
For those who do not intend to have children, this is why the bonds become more sensitive and fragile. Without the bond of children, the guilt of breaking a family in half, it is just the couple between them. And it's not just women, men too.
Much is said about "liquid relationships", without formal and spiritual commitment, but for me the scenario is not so glamorous.
I like a company, I like a link. But I notice in most men of my age group (and when I say age group, I am very generous: from 25 to 50 years old ...) or they want to get married to have children, or just stay on the bachelor pad. Forever.
Despite not being romantic, I believe in pure love and in the relationship between 2 souls: I believe that the desire of 2 people to have a lasting marriage and to build a relationship for eternity is enough for us to be more patient, more resilient with the partner in joy and sadness.
Unfortunately, in recent years, I have been watching the ruin of many relationships, the vast majority of couples without children. Couples who had the perfect life on Instagram, and who I met in person and thought were unbreakable.
Reasons for the breakup? A strong fight, the disagreement of values, a financial dispute. It was beautiful but while it lasted.
I don't say that spliting is bad. It is part of life, and it is a privilege earned by our generation to separate when it is no longer giving, it is no longer happy. Life is just one to be poorly accompanied.
But don't we weigh our hand when it comes to saying bye bye, next?
I venture to say that we are better and better resolved than our parents. But I also think there is a disturbance there. There is more selfishness in all of us, men and women. Generosity is exposed on social media but eroded in real life.
I don´t know. I messed up in previous relationships. My partners too.
But I have hope. I think we all have a lid for our pan, and in my case, a frying pan. There is a guy out there who also wants a stable life on the side of someone who doesn't need to have children.
Maybe I'm a modern romantic.