I remember in my 20s, 30s, some discussions with friends of mine about the differences between men and women.
And in my imature hope and too young to equate men with women, I have always denied and labeled these differences as “machism” and prejudice of men and women themselves.
Today, in my 40s, I already see different. And it certainly becomes clearer to me that men are really different from women (thank God!). And that the cliché is a cliché because it is true ...
For me, these are 5 below (the 4th. It's surprising - just kidding).
1) Detachment from love and sex
Men can spend their whole lives having a fuck buddy and that's okay.
Yes, we are jealous of that. We are angry. We tried to do, and man! We didn't make it.
In an episode of the Sex and the City series, the most liberal character of the quartet, Samantha Jones, tries to play easy sleeping with her ex. Again, it ends with a broken heart. Hers of course.
Anyone I know who goes there to have a break from time to time with the occasional boy, keeps crying afterwards. Either with friends or in hiding. You see, it is different from that delicious boy that you picked up once on your trip to the Caribbean and never saw him again. One night stand is worth and worthy.
But taking that ex who recently broke up, and swearing to me that it's foul play it´s totally bullshit. After all, it is us, the friends, who have to lend our ears for post-coitus wounds.
We didn't make it. At least the vast majority. Or with that boy that we don't want to date at all.
2) We are more sensitive than men, in general.
Yes, there are exceptions. Like every rule. And the rule is that women are more sensitive. We can't be like them. I love it about men, and I hate that I can't be that cool. They curse each other, put on terrible nicknames, play with double sexuality, the small member, the horns on their heads. And everything is fine. Better, if there is this game, it is because they are Bros, more than friends.
Us? You can even pass a joke on you, but not. We fake a smile, but save it for later. For the rest of our lives.
Overall, we already hold a lot of crying, we pretend indifference, we cry alone in the bathroom for no one to see. Because crying and sensitivity was (and still is) a sign of professional weakness. What a shame. To the world.
3) We are more insecure
I am obliged to agree in this regard that man beats a million people. At work, it applies to a job that we women take years to find we are competent. In flirting, they are sure to come from the world, while we wait. We wait for them to ask us out, give us the first signal, and the woman who takes the initiative is labeled as desperate.
We are more afraid, yes. We have more impostor syndrome, we are more afraid of being judged, unmasked, humiliated.
We have a long way to go, ladies. Less shame in the face and more boobs (with or without silicone) for whatever comes.
4) We fight more for the relationship (ours and others), even when it is not the right thing to do
Here is something that has two faces: the good, when persistence is valid, and the devil, when we do for ourselves and for other attempts that can lead us to terrible endings. I explain to the boys, because women should already know:
As a rule, women always try to save a relationship, a marriage. It may be that she is right in some situations, and okay.
In my case, the female insistence on saving a relationship just put a negative effect on me. I explain: I dated for 1 year with a guy who at the beginning was very cool. But after about 8 months, things changed from water to wine. The affection is over, it became a regret.
My friends (and they are friends, not enemies) all told me to be more understanding, more partner, more friend, more relevant.
It was all my fault. Not the boy's.
It took me a long time to make the decision. After 4 months, we were done. And in my head, influenced by the opinion of other women, I had my fault at the end. I was not loving enough. I saw something that doesn't exist. I was too tough.
It took me a while to realize, even from the boy's later relationships, that the problem was always basically in him.
And that I was not the villain of the story. No, I did not invent situations, they occurred. No, I didn't overdo it.
And the worst? After it is over, they start talking about the rotten boy and said: better for you ... he wasn´t that nice in the end
We will never understand women.
Men already beat us in this regard. If it's good, cool, go ahead. If not, finish. And an end to crying.
5)We are more responsible
Let's talk well about chicks too, right? In spite of the fact that we are more sensitive, I judge it as a great quality, rather than weakness.
I think it comes from nature. We are more lionesses, we are more careful, we are more down to earth. Our failure as insecurity also comes from being more responsible and less impulsive.
It's not just me who speaks, it's the statistics. Our surroundings.
Most women do not abandon their children. But many men do.
Do you have exceptions? There are exceptions. One of them, in my building. The man raises his son alone, because the woman moved to another country and did not want custody. The guy is considered an angel and the woman a demon. Funny that this judgment does not happen with the many men I know (unfortunately my friends even) who are separated, and life goes on with the future woman and her future new children. The other childs, their own sons, blood of their own blood, its now a weight to carry, a money waster, a time waster. Weekends of duty, not pleasure. As time goes by, they turn into strangers from each other.
Of all the friends I know, most are women who take care of their parents, their brothers, their nephews. There are wonderful exceptions, which let's say, shouldn't be exceptions.
In the pandemic I see many couples fighting: when the couple worked full time, there were babysitters, there were maids. Now, they have to deploy to domestic work that cannot be outsourced. The woman generally does not drop the task. Because we wants the children to be loved, to study and to be able to eat well. The man? Never mind ... everything.
In this, men have a lot to learn from us. Luckily, the woman has a mix of responsibility and persistence that you can still lean on to escape child raising. But we are changing. Slowly.
os 40 são os novos 20 