There is an incredible text by Adriano Silva, CEO and Founder of Projeto Draft, which instigates you to question yourself about what you are doing with your life.

Por que você faz o que você faz?

Why do you do what you do?

I even saved the text to read at least once a month, and force myself to question and think about how I am handling my life.

As a teenager, and as a good daughter of capitalist parents and a father who came from a poor family and managed to rise in life, my dream was to earn money, a lot of money, and be recognized at work, in professional achievements.

As the years went by, the achievements came, both professional and financial. The first car, the first apartment, the first investment.

Today, at the age of 43, I question myself not only because I continue to invest most of my time in a job to be paid financially, but also question my leisure time that I have been having in the pandemic.

From time to time (usually every 7 years, and that number is magical), it gives me a restlessness, an itch in my hand and spirit to change what I’m doing, and how I am. Suddenly, it gives me a rancidity of where I am living, even of people with whom I relate, family, work, my appearance.

It´s not a sensation of sadness, but angerness. It feels like I’m wasting my “best years”. This restlessness of modern times to grieve over the possible loss of your time and your life is perhaps one of the greatest evils of humanity today.

There are people who don’t worry. The important thing is to continue life. I can’t do it anymore. I thought I would settle down when I turned 40, but I saw that it is not quite like that. The fire continues. And the pandemic comes to slap us in the face.

I explain: before confinement, our life was filled with face-to-face meetings with friend, a thousand events, work. We woke up, barely had time for coffee, stayed out all day and came home to bath and sleep. Weekends and free time were filled with trips, cultural programs and gastronomic trips. How long have we been dreaming of a quiet weekend at home to pack up and read a book? Now that we have that time, we despair. We think we have lost a precious year of our lives, I think I lost a precious year of my 40 before I was 50!

We burn so much energy with the anxiety of enjoying our time and our youth. A year without having gone on a trip, known a new guy, is a lost year. It will be?

I confess that I have enjoyed the Pandemic. To have a lot of time to think about myself, and what I got right and wrong until I got here.

The world awaits me as soon as the pandemic is over, and I hope it will end. Because I have a thousand dreams and I intend to be different when I can leave the house without fear.

I want to meet people. To make new friends, to get to know that group that for now are just meetings at the bar, to meet a new guy and have a cool story with him.

I have enumerated some important phrases of the text:

– The scarce resource you have in your life is life itself

– Knowing how to refuse the wrong invitations is just as important as knowing how to accept the right invitations without fear

– Earning less by working better and having time for you is worth it

– Sustaining some items at the end are not worth it

– Life cannot be self-imposed slavery

– Sometimes call yourself for a conversation close to the ear

The other day, I found myself making a map of my life from the age of 30 to 40. I was proud. I am not yet what I want to be, but for someone who was shy and discreet (almost invisible in high school classes) I conquered and faced a lot. I broke up friendships. I conquered others. I left a relationship when it was becoming toxic. I prioritized some family ties, went after them, and others, I just resigned myself to letting go.

I think I still need to stop wonder about some things. About many little things. Time to read that text again. And I highly recommend reading!