Last weekend I reviewed (for the tenth time) one of my favorite films: “Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind”, made more than a decade ago. Between landscapes of the beautiful seaside of Montauk, NY, it´s a love and loss story.
Although it fits like a romantic dramatic comedy, a type of film that I usually run away from, it is a remarkable and wonderful film in my opinion.
Coincidentally, I saw him after a happy hour (virtual, of course) with my longtime friends, washed down with our favorite wines and cheeses.
We were discussing (as always) about relationships with our men, and how life led us to choose such a guy.
I really have a dear friend of mine. But we are very different. She always encourages me to tie my donkey to someone, to settle my ass and find a man to call mine. Even if he isn’t perfect, completely in love with you and vice versa.
She says that with the mind that you need to have a serious relationship, you find the right person. Or rather, the person with the best predicates so far, to follow you for the rest of your life.
I was thinking about the men that went through my life.
Some that I was truly passionate about, but had ethic problems, loyalty, honesty and to be honest, they sure didn’t like me so much. It wasn´t love, at least for them, i was sorto f the cute and funny girl to hang out for a while while waiting for the one.
I thought of others, who i didn’t like it so much. Some were nice (but little monsters, far from the ideal beauty standard I have), others a so so personality, and some without a lot of personality, others with a lot of personality even (for the bad).
What would my life be like if I had insisted on any of these? Certainly if I were more resilient, ignored some red flags(some small, others serious), or assumed that instead of being in love, the truth is that he is cool, would be married today and probably with a company that would follow me until the end of the my days.
Well, let’s go back to the film: there is a scene that when I first watched it, I didn’t even pay much attention. That’s when the main character played by Jim Carrey (in fact, an actor I don’t appreciate, but in this role he is perfect) wonders about a past relationship. He absurdly likes the protagonist, a crazy and difficult woman (played by the always perfect Kate Winslet), but as he is a guy who tends to be more accommodated, he wonders why he does not stay with the old girlfriend who was good, and peaceful, who liked him.
The phrase of his thought stuck to me: “I should go back to Naomi. She is cool. She likes me.”
In the film, he meets the character of Winslet and falls in love immediately, even at the moment being in relationship with that Naomi.
Would it be right for him and this Naomi woman to be resilient and join for good? To give up true passions, and redeem yourself with a calm and safe relationship?
Him to join with a woman who does not give that intense love, that desire, but who is comfortable because she is good and likes him? And her, to insist on a guy she likes, but is accommodated, and you know you don’t like her very much?
I wondered how many times a guy went cold with me, and after a few months (some, even years) he came with his tail between his legs wanting to come back. At least me, I never went back to the guys that refused me, or vice versa. It was like the buffet is over and they were looking at the trash for leftovers. I am no leftover babe.
It gives me the creeps. That’s because I consider myself a accommodated person, I like inertia, I like planning and predictability. But staying with a person, who again, is the best option at the moment and you know he is not going anywhere? For safety, for comfort?
Can’t life be more than that? I may never find this guy who will take me out of predictability.
Maybe when I find him, he won’t like me as I will like him. The risk is there, and I am no longer 20 years old.
Well, I prefer to risk it. I know that I will never be resilient to the point of how my friends, I met a guy, married him, and that’s it. I want to find the guy, who makes me happy, who is passionate about me, who is a good character, and who is, and above all, I LOVE him and want him more than anything, even more than good food.
I have hopes, girls. After all, isn’t this the greatest fuel for human beings?