Yes, it is a total egocentric thought. But not entirely futile.
This weekend I reviewed the film “A Ghost Story”, where a man who dies in a car accident wanders like a ghost in his house and observes the world he left, following in the footsteps from his wife to the people who inhabit his home in the past and the future.
Do you know that mental list you do from time to time of people who would go to your funeral? Some out of obligation, others out of pure feeling? This list goes deeper.
We are always unforgettable for some people.
Starting with our family: our immediate family, such as father, mother, brothers, grandparents and nephews, there is an indissoluble bond, except in extreme cases of fighting or disaffection.
We will be remembered (I have faith) until the last of your days. From our face, our personality, our defects, our way of speaking, our smell.
Then we follow: our friends. Friends who have been ours for more than decades. These, I think and trust that I will be remembered forever. We are already in our 40s, we will hardly be forgotten. These friends followed the beginning of our careers, the entrance to the university, the nights out and drunk, the incredible trips (and not so much), the hilarious and exciting New Year’s Eve, the children, the first losses.
I count in one hand how many there are. Maybe 2 (little hands, but not all your fingers).
We followed the circle of more recent friends, less than a decade ago. But they are a renewed group of friends, whether by affinity or available time. Relatively young friends, but with very intense coexistence, as if we had known each other for a thousand years.
Well, these only time will tell. In the course of time, some get lost, others remain. If I left today, surely some of them would remember me forever. From my wide-open laugh, from my non-feminine gait, from my high, low voice.
Perhaps ex friends and ex loves will come in there, from those who come from our childhood until recent times. These, a total unknown. We never know what’s going on in the other’s mind. Perhaps the childhood friend who left for another city always remembers you fondly, even though we never spoke again.
Maybe that guy that you lived a beautiful summer love has no idea who you are, or remember your face, and how they met.
Maybe another guy, who for a variety of reasons did not have anything more serious, will always remember your skin, your hair, the mole near your mouth, the first time he saw you. Maybe he doesn’t know that sometimes we find ourselves thinking about what it would be like, and he has an ego hope, if you think of him as he thinks of you every time he meets someone new and makes that kind of crude and necessary comparison.
I have, and I confess, this romantic hope, of some person that I liked a lot in the past, of remembering myself now and then, even in old age. Pure ego.
Why do I say that this thinking is not at all futile? For me, it serves as a thermometer of how I am acting in the world.
It serves to reassess my actions.
Okay, nobody is obliged to serve the world to be remembered.
If you make your life without harming others and go for the better without this pride of wanting to be remembered, go for it.
I still have that ego. I do my life as I want, but I still think that a life just made up of trips and moments just thinking about me, is not complete.
When I make a list (and I do it annually) of the things that most marked me, the ones I have with someone come first (love, friend, mother, family).
Don’t get it wrong. I love it and spend a lot of time alone. Anyone who has known me for a long time knows that I appreciate and have zero prejudice of being alone on trips, restaurants, experiences and such. And I consider it essential for you to know yourself better.
But the most unforgettable moments of my life were certainly shared and created with others.
I was always single, from my 0 to my 44 years old just completed. So there are phases that we don’t care about others, that we leave as the center of the universe and of all actions. We are selfish, focused only on our personal pleasure and satisfaction.
And then this blessed reflection comes and makes me go back to earth. And remembering is always good: remembering, caring and empathy come from both sides. If you want to receive, you have to donate. And let’s be honest, my single friends, donating is the most complex thing for those who have lived alone for a long time.
I don’t want to talk about the cliché beasts that say that we create an armor and a wall against others. This is stupid. It’s a comic book cliché.
We learned long ago to live alone, to eat what you want, to do our actions without the daily judgment of others.
It is natural that we have actions thinking more about us always.
Of course, we have to control this. Excuse on a birthday of someone who always remembered us, an excuse for not going to help a friend who is in their worst, too lazy to give a caress to someone who lost a loved one just because he lives in another city (from same state), this is not called armor. This is called neglect, and a natural way for you to live and die as if it never existed for others.
And I say more: the unforgettable moments they are built. It is not that memorable dinner itself that was unforgettable, but how we got there. As we overcome some fights, hurts and love and friendship triumphed.
It was not just that trip, or that evening laughing at all the beastly things we did, but how all these stories took place.
I already have these unforgettable people with me. I am curious to see at the end of my life (and if God can give me a long and well lived life) if the fan has changed.
Pearl of wisdom of the day: don’t be embarrassed to make an assessment for your personal improvement and attitude change. Life may not be an accounting book, but stopping at times and reviewing what you are doing is all good. And changing the route can be surprising and sweet.