I am part of a Facebook community that is “women who travel alone”. I delight in reading emotional and other uncompromising tales of the life of a traveling and alone woman.
In this community there´s everything: from the ex-wife of an abusive husband to a woman who is going on her first trip alone. There are also many who seek a company for a destination.
The idea of this community is a place where women feel welcomed and can share their experiences, both to alert and to places that are dangerous, even surprising experiences.
Among so much garbage on Facebook, this community is a treasure and yes, very cool.
I commented on this community at a lunch with my married friends.
“Is it a group of lesbians”? “Why haven’t they married yet?” “I think that traveling alone out of necessity, they are lying that it is their choice”.
Truth. In 2020. My friends. And look, I’ve been trying for years to improve their minds about the new woman. It looks like I’m not getting it.
At dinner with more married friends. I commented that I was going to Trancoso. With whom? With my friend, the same one that was last year with me for Boipeba.
“Um, have you become a couple then?”. Internal giggles.
Of course, they say it’s a joke, silly. But single people do not play this silly joke of “and your husband, have been tired of you already it and how many he is fucking?”, “And this façade wedding, huh?” Is not it?
I think the ladies of my age, in their forties, made a little progress. Micro evolved.
There is still the prejudice of married women over single women.
I catch an exception for married women who have been single for a long time, and understand that having a relationship with a nice boy is not so easy and there is not so much nice man left in the square. Boy trash has to pile. Those are similar. They still make the aunt’s comment: “What about the boys?” but I don’t see poison. It is really a desire that you find your partner and then it is better to go out with your husband. And because they are very well accompanied. So they want for you what they have. It is not social alpinist, but a good life, better. Of these, and not a few, I never heard any naughty comment like the ones described at the beginning, even if it was a “joke”
But let’s understand the backward woman then. We will not throw stones. They are my friends, they are good people (otherwise they would not be my friends) and they have known me for decades. Some got married early, others not so much. But I realized that they have something in common: they are women who understand marriage as a personal achievement, just like their children, and who are part of any normal, heterosexual woman in the world today.
They are women who, from an early age, have already sought a boyfriend, a marriage, and see the formation of a family as a natural path. Everything else is abnormal, it’s out of the curve.
And calm down, let’s not dramatize and put a cap on these women. They may even make stupid comments and actions like that, but they are not. And yes, they are my friends regardless of the difference of opinion.
Even women who are single today, but have children and have a vision as above, see´s women who did not have children, who are single and who participate in communities of women who help women like “dykes”, “badly resolved” “problematic” .
The creation was the same for all. We were the daughters of mothers of traditional families, born in the 70s, and with the patriarchal model of a housewife mother, a father who brings support, a family that never separates.
But for me I wanted a life very different from my mother and from an early age, I never saw marriage and having children as a priority. And although they have questioned me countless times since I was single all my life and I do have lesbian friends, I really like men. But life for me is very rich in places to meet, people to talk to and the simple pleasures of life that enrich me, than to focus on family and husband. And it’s not a cliché, but I still haven’t found a guy to call the one.
For them, they were mending one boyfriend on the other, they were never single. They got married, had children. Some are married, others have divorced. But it is natural for them to never be alone. Okay, I’m not one of those, but respect.
I don’t know if they will ever see that they are, their single friends are just like them, just single and with other priorities than their son and husband. Would. It annoys me that they may never understand me and behind every “joke” comment, there is a hint of non-conformity and ignorance.
But I have faith in the new generation. Before, I thought it was very similar to censoring racist, sexist and prejudiced comments that were always rooted in us. Removing from the vocabulary “bedside table”, “denigrating”, seemed a bit much. Today I see it differently. If we are not military, everything stays the same. And I’m sure that when all married and single women can make peace and yes, we come together, we will be better and happier.